Controlling Your Sexual Urges

Silhouette photo of horny black woman biting her eyeglasses

When All You Talk About Is Sex

Controlling your sexual urges is a problem for many people around the world. Whether they are single, in a relationship or married, they often experience difficulty being sexually satisfied, because all they can think about is sex. There is a difference between being casually horny and being so horny that you can’t go to a restaurant without wanting to bang the Asian waitress.

If you don’t learn how to control your sexual urges and desires from a young age, then they will control you until an old age. Your sexual urges are determined by your brain and personality, both influencing each other on many different levels. Your brain wants to release more dopamine in your reward center, telling you, “come on now, get me more sexual activity.”

And your personality is telling your brain, “I know, what do you think I’m trying to work on right now?” For people who have trouble controlling their sexual urges, it’s their personality that is more influenced by their brain. That’s because we all experience the release of dopamine in the nucleus accumbens, but we don’t all go running around displaying “verbal diarrhea” about wanting to bang this person or needing a “side chick.”

So once again, it comes down to your personality. You must be willing to change as a person in order to become less sexually motivated. Even if you do happen to be in a relationship where you are experiencing a lot of sex, you still have to be able to change something about yourself.

A lot of sex in a relationship can negatively impact the relationship if you go overboard with it. Some men are not even satisfied with the sex that they are getting out of their relationship, often searching for someone else on the side, resulting in an affair. And an affair leads to another failed marriage. As for women with uncontrollable sexual urges, they may go off having an affair as well.

One reason many people struggle with their sexual desires is because they unconsciously still want to have sex with certain types of people; people which they didn’t have a chance to have sex with when they were younger. For instance, a married white blonde girl may fantasize about having sex with a tall black man. Despite her white husband satisfying her, she still gets off more when she masturbates by herself to the thought of a black man.

Unfilled sexual desires that linger into adulthood from adolescence is definitely a strong contributing factor to uncontrollable sexual urges. But the reality is that you are not always presented with an opportunity to fulfill your sexual desires. So if that is not possible, then you need to make a change within yourself in order to avoid being so sexually motivated.

When all you talk about is sex, the image that you portray to others is not an impressive and admirable one. It shows them that you are too in touch with your ID; the animalistic side of your brain and personality. People don’t want human pets as friends. They want responsible and mature adults who can hold their own and not make a sexual comment every 5 minutes.

Control your sexual urges and fantasies, or they will control you.

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

Guilty During Sexual Activities

Grayscale photography of woman opening her mouth during orgasm

On The Basis Of Sex

Sexual activity is a naturally normal process that somehow still penetrates our hearts, by making us feel guilty from time to time. In the moment, sexual activity is like an escape: it grabs you away from your present reality, like the onset of a powerful drug overcoming your perception. But many times, this drug makes you feel guilty.

Even if you would like to stop yourself during a sexual act, it is almost impossible to do so; keyword being “almost.” That’s because you’re not only battling an amazing pre-orgasmic feeling and sensation, but your neurochemistry: dopamine is slowly flooding your brain and making you feel “dope.”

At blastoff, the orgasmic climax feels out of this world, as if you grew wings and took a flight high into space without any repercussions. But what goes up must come down; in this case, that’s you! And most of us would agree that there are not many situations in which we enjoy coming down.

When coming down from a sexual activity, there are times when you wonder why in the world you are feeling guilty. This can occur with porn, masturbation, sex, sexting, video chats, strip clubs, prostitution and whatever else exists out there. On the basis of sex, guilt is not a foreign entity: it’s often buried somewhere between the lines.

The worst feeling to have after climaxing is guilt: it makes you feel like the entire experience was for nothing; a total waste of your time and energy. Your emotions crumble and your excitement plummets; you feel defeated as if locked into a penitentiary for 25 to life.

Is there a way to get rid of guilt during sexual activities? The answer is, it depends. We often know prior to engaging in a sexual activity if “this time” will feel right. But guess what we often do? We go ahead and engage despite anticipating some guilt around the corner; we go ahead and set ourselves up for negativity.

So rather than engaging, we need to hold ourselves back and distract our minds with other thoughts or activities; easier said than done, but not that hard if practiced enough! Your intuition and mind often provide you with warnings and signs, prior to acting on a specific thought. We just need to become better at listening to ourselves.

On the basis of sex, don’t act like you’re surprised when you experience guilt following a sexual activity. Try listening to yourself more often and you’ll be surprised on how many negative emotions you can avoid coming your way.

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

Sexless Relationships

Man and woman in a sexless relationship riding bikes together

When Sex Is Not The Agenda

A lot of great relationships are not based on sexual intercourse. Rapport, connection and emotions are much more powerful and consistent ways of understanding another human being; they provide comfort and a desire to learn more about the other person.

If you find yourself looking for sex all of the time, then you are missing out on the beauty of relationships; many go astray based on sexual energy alone. Excluding sexual intercourse from a relationship relieves much pressure on both parties: the female feels more at ease and the male learns to appreciate the beauty of emotional connection.

Sexless relationships allow connections to organically flourish; there is no longer any pressure on how physical interactions will play out. The energy is redirected into understanding the other person, storytelling, laughing and a general sense of well-being.

The beautiful thing is that relationships can evolve much more naturally without the pressure of sex. Time is in your favor because you no longer worry about how long it will take to develop sexual chemistry; you just let things naturally flow. Intimacy is no longer the agenda; passion, love and chemistry have trumped the former.

Sexless relationships depend on who you are interacting with. But the idea can be applied to any person you meet, because the most important thing in any relationship is establishing rapport based on common interests. If you can do this, then you will have no problem maintaining fruitful and healthy relationships!

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

Is Sex Overrated?

Blonde woman and man in a relationship getting ready to have sex

Sex Is Not The Glue

The beautiful act of sex always comes to mind but is sex something we should always get excited about? Sex and relationships can get fuzzy at times depending on the characters involved. Always take a step back and analyze your current situation; putting your emotions aside will allow you to see past the love sac.

Great Sex | Great Relationship

This is the couple who have great sex and a wonderful relationship. For them, everything is almost perfect; their love life has high ratings and their relationship is prospering. The sex for this couple probably does not get old if mixed up properly; they probably know what they’re doing.

Great Sex | Terrible Relationship

Then there is the couple who have great sex but hate their guts. They almost cannot stand each other and get on their nerves very easily. They remain together out of desperation, frustration, insecurity, lack of resources and you guessed it, great sex! But for this couple, the sex won’t keep them in bondage for long. I mean really! How many times can you have sex and expect a dying relationship to prosper?

Bad Sex | Great Relationship

This is the couple who love each other, get along 99% of the time and are best friends. But the sex is not compatible; he is either lame in the sac or she has too much experience for him, making him appear lame, or vice versa. Whatever the reason, they do not match in bed. Fortunately for this couple, if the relationship is truely genuine, the sex can improve over time with consistent effort from both parties. Bad sex is not the reason a great relationship fails, and if it is, then one person in the relationship had hidden intentions all along.

Bad Sex | Bad Relationship

Well, should we even address this one? Not only do they hate their presence, but the sex takes more effort than running a half marathon. These relationships do not last longer than 24-48 hours.

So as you can see, there are many scenarios in which sex either enhances a relationship, complicates it or completely destroys it. At the end of the day, no matter how good the sex is, it is not the glue of bondage in a relationship. Emotional connection, caring and love still prevail and help a relationship go the distance. Sex is just icing on the cake.

Focus on improving your relationship and then work on enhancing the sex.

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)