Falling in Love

White man and woman in love sitting on gray beanbag

Can’t Help Falling in Love

Falling in love… Why do we do it? We think the other person is an extension of ourselves, but are they really? We want to unite and feel like one, but many times with the wrong person; if that weren’t so, then why do 50% of marriages in the United States fail? And why are folks so quick to jump into relationships and run off to get married? Are you supposed to be awarded some kind of medal or something? Let’s not even get into the fact that so many couples remain in a relationship even if they know deep inside that they’re not right for each other; the fear of starting over is overpowering.

They believe that by minimizing arguments, maximizing pleasure and ignoring what they don’t like about each other, that everything will be fine. It never is fine if your partner is not the right one to begin with. Then there are the couples who aren’t in an official relationship; they are in something casual. The movies call them “friends with benefits.” These folks often do well together because it’s a “no strings attached” type of situation, until one of them becomes emotional, catches feelings and falls in love; then he or she tries to distance themselves or even starts a fight to deal with their insecurities.

Man and woman kissing under moon at night

If Anything Happens I Love You

Then there are the couples who are in an open relationship and allow each other to sleep around with other partners. I never understood this type of relationship. It’s supposed to be along the lines of, “I love you so much that I will let you sleep with others!” If that’s the situation, I don’t see how these relationships can go the distance, and I’m not referring to a couple of years, but more like a lifetime. Sleeping with different partners only promotes more interest in other people and may make you lose interest in your partner; what if you meet someone who has more chemistry than your partner? Overall, falling in love and holding onto a current relationship is easier than starting over with a new person who might be a better fit.

What is love to you? Have you experienced pain related to love? Share your experiences below.

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

smiley GIF face

Haters Back Off

Two young girls annoyed with each other

Meeting someone at first sight may be very deceiving. They may appear wonderful and sweet at first, but annoying and disgustful over time. First impressions are not everything. It takes some time and digging through their chart to really discover their history. If you turn a blind eye to details, you’ll be distracted by the bigger picture which does not paint a pretty sight. And what happens then? You may end up surrounding yourself with people who don’t have your best interest at heart. In that case, haters back off!

It’s not difficult to elicit more specific details about someone. All you have to do is catch them at a bad time when they are not at their best. When doing so, their emotions will get in the way and they will start revealing how they truly think and feel about you. At this point, you’re just raking in the juicy details. If their true thoughts and emotions are still pleasant, then you’re dealing with a keeper; if not, then it’s time to say goodbye and move on.

Haters back off - face with envious gaze

Haters Back Off Now

Don’t do yourself a disservice by ignoring one’s true character. Study haters like a book and and learn to weed them out before they become a nuisance. Please understand that haters are very insecure to begin with. It doesn’t matter if they’re successful or poor. While it does help to be successful, insecurity is not correlated with wealth. Insecurity stems from internal psychological factors. So if a successful person is hating on you, they’re not necessarily hating on your wealth, status or success. They are hating something about your character and how you carry yourself; something that they are missing.

Hating stems from the unconscious mind and many times people don’t even know why they hate on others. We often think that haters despise our wealth or success, but as I mentioned above, it’s not always the case. Be definition, a person who is insecure is not confident or assured and is likely uncertain and anxious. If you somehow get under their skin, many times without even trying to do so, their insecurity kicks in. All of a sudden, you become their target.

It’s also very easy to spot haters. Pay attention to their body language, especially their facial expressions. I’ve stated in a previous article that paying attention to body language will help you to be successful with others. Studying the body language of haters is very easy. They often look at you with disgust or jealously and start acting cold or mean towards you. When this happens, you’ve spotted your hater! Keep doing you and don’t change anything about yourself. Remember that you’re not doing anything wrong. Don’t let a hater’s insecurity rub onto you.

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

Giving People A Chance

Two young women sitting on swings in the park

Restarting Your Mind

We often have preconceived notions about a person or group of people, fearing that we won’t like them if we spend time with them. When we don’t interact with someone for a long time, our mind is prone to developing a belief or judgment that is not founded on proof or certainty. And oftentimes, there’s a high chance that we act on these false beliefs.

This process occurs because we are so busy with our personal life that we forget to direct attention to people whom we don’t talk or spend enough time with. Unconsciously, the mind starts forming opinions on these people: “they’re probably not good enough for you”, “there’s a reason you haven’t spoken to them in a while”, “why waste your time seeing them and risk getting in an uncomfortable situation?”

What we need to get good at is controlling these preconceived notions that we develop about others. They’re often very powerful and able to dictate our future moves. If we fall trap, we risk losing perfectly fine relationships. Sometimes it feels like we are fighting against ourself: our mind says one thing while we say another. Who is in control?

We are. Remember that the brain is like a computer; it does all of these random processes in the background which we are not even aware of. Some of these processes dictate how we view others. For instance, when you are using a computer, do you allow it to do whatever it wants? If you sense a slowing down or annoying process in the background, you restart it!

Sometimes we need to restart our mind. This can be done through:

When you find yourself negatively thinking about people whom you have liked in the past, remind yourself that you may be experiencing a preconceived notion, which your mind automatically created without your knowing. Rather than acting on it, give people a chance by spending time with them!

After having a good time with people whom you have liked in the past, you will realize how inaccurate your preconceived notions were in the first place. And rather than burning another bridge, you now have kept another solid relationship in your life.

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

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