Weeding Out The Haters

Two young girls annoyed with each other

Don’t Waste Time Where It’s Not Needed

Meeting someone at first sight may be very deceiving; they may appear wonderful and sweet, like they’re going to be your new best friend, or annoying and disgustful, like you want to see them suffer. First impressions are not everything. It takes some time and digging through their chart to really discover their history. If you turn a blind eye to details, you’ll be distracted by the bigger picture which often does not paint a pretty sight. And what happens then? Well . . . you may end up surrounding yourself with people who don’t have your best interest at heart.

It’s not difficult to elicit more specific details about someone. All you have to do is catch them at a bad time when they are not at their best. When doing so, their emotions will get in the way and they will start revealing how they truly think and feel about you; at this point, you’re just raking in the juicy details. If their true thoughts and emotions are still pleasant, then you’re dealing with a keeper; if not, it’s time to say goodbye and move on.

Don’t do yourself a disservice by ignoring one’s true character; study them like a book and that’s how you’ll learn to weed out the haters from your true fans.

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

Giving People A Chance

Two young women sitting on swings in the park

Restarting Your Mind

We often have preconceived notions about a person or group of people, fearing that we won’t like them if we spend time with them. When we don’t interact with someone for a long time, our mind is prone to developing a belief or judgment that is not founded on proof or certainty. And oftentimes, there’s a high chance that we act on these false beliefs.

This process occurs because we are so busy with our personal life that we forget to direct attention to people whom we don’t talk or spend enough time with. Unconsciously, the mind starts forming opinions on these people: “they’re probably not good enough for you”, “there’s a reason you haven’t spoken to them in a while”, “why waste your time seeing them and risk getting in an uncomfortable situation?”

What we need to get good at is controlling these preconceived notions that we develop about others. They’re often very powerful and able to dictate our future moves. If we fall trap, we risk losing perfectly fine relationships. Sometimes it feels like we are fighting against ourself: our mind says one thing while we say another. Who is in control?

We are. Remember that the brain is like a computer; it does all of these random processes in the background which we are not even aware of. Some of these processes dictate how we view others. For instance, when you are using a computer, do you allow it to do whatever it wants? If you sense a slowing down or annoying process in the background, you restart it!

Sometimes we need to restart our mind. This can be done through:

When you find yourself negatively thinking about people whom you have liked in the past, remind yourself that you may be experiencing a preconceived notion, which your mind automatically created without your knowing. Rather than acting on it, give people a chance by spending time with them!

After having a good time with people whom you have liked in the past, you will realize how inaccurate your preconceived notions were in the first place. And rather than burning another bridge, you now have kept another solid relationship in your life.

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)