Tag: insecurity

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The Psychology of Hating

Frowning white man biting hand

The Hating Game

Everyone has experienced it. It’s that uncomfortable feeling within you when someone else is jealous, envious and insecure and attempts to put you down, whether using humor or not. Humor is often a disguise; it’s the lubricant for the hating game that helps ease the intensity of the experience. Those who don’t catch onto the haters have no idea what’s going on; they may think that the person is just playing around and end up giving them more power by being naive. The psychology of hating is based on three factors: jealously, envy and insecurity.

Jealously: People are jealous for a laundry list of reasons but one main reason is because of how you carry yourself. If you have your (shit) together (pardon my French, did not know what other word would best substitute it), such as being successful, dressing nicely, carrying yourself with confidence, having a lot of money, etc, some people will naturally be inclined to hate. Sometimes they don’t even know that they’re doing it; I call it “unconsciously hating.” Jealousy often consists of one or more emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness or disgust.

Envy: Is envy the same as jealously? I like to think that they are little different. While jealously is what I described above, I believe envy is more associated with emotional pain. When people envy you, they cannot stand that you have a quality, possession or other desirable attribute that they don’t have. While quite similar to jealously, in that people who envy others may experience anger, resentment and disgust, I believe that those who envy also experience a deep pain that is not necessarily shared by those who are jealous. Many are jealous but do not necessarily hate; they lie at the borderline of hating. But those who envy are certainly hating.

Insecurity: Lastly, I believe that this is the most powerful factor out of the three because it stems from deep inside the hater’s psyche. The entire reason that people hate is not because of jealously or envy. They hate because they are insecure to begin with; they are not confident or assured and are uncertain and anxious. When they identify attributes in you that they lack, their insecurity burns with fire, as if someone just ignited a forest fire. Naturally, insecurity branches off into jealously and envy. If they work on their insecurity and become confident despite lacking traits and qualities that others have, the room for jealously and envy grows smaller and they become more confident in accepting their own traits and qualities.

Let’s be real: we have all hated on others and experienced jealously, envy and insecurity. But many of us recover from this destructive state of mind by working on our insecurities. When you start focusing on bettering yourself and appreciating the success of others, rather than hating, you will find way more peace in your psyche, heart and existence. You will even grow to appreciate how much others have that you don’t; you will become motivated to learn from them so that you can attain their level of success. This is how it works!

This is the psychology of hating. What’s your experience with it?

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

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Psychology of Hating Someone

Frowning white man biting hand

The Hating Game

Everyone has experienced it. It’s that uncomfortable feeling within you when someone else is jealous, envious and insecure.Humor is often a disguise; it’s the lubricant for the hating game that helps ease the intensity of the experience. Those who don’t catch onto the haters have no idea what’s going on; they may think that the person is just playing around and end up giving them more power by being naive. The psychology of hating is based on three factors: jealously, envy and insecurity.

Jealously: People are jealous for a laundry list of reasons. One main reason is because of how you carry yourself. If you have your (shit) together (pardon my French, did not know what other word would best substitute it), such as being successful, dressing nicely, carrying yourself with confidence, having a lot of money, etc, some people will naturally be inclined to hate. Sometimes they don’t even know that they’re doing it; I call it “unconsciously hating.” Jealousy often consists of one or more emotions such as anger, resentment or inadequacy.

Jealous eye staring at man kissing woman

Psychology of Hating Someone: Envy

Envy: Is envy the same as jealously? I like to think that they are little different. While jealously is what I described above, I believe envy is more associated with emotional pain. When people envy you, they cannot stand that you have a quality or desirable attribute that they don’t have. While quite similar to jealously, people who envy others experience resentment and disgust; they also experience a deep pain. Many are jealous but do not necessarily hate; they lie at the borderline of hating. But those who envy are certainly hating.

Psychology of Hating Someone: Insecurity

Insecurity: This is the most powerful factor out of the three because it stems from deep inside the hater’s psyche. The entire reason that people hate is not because of jealously or envy. They hate because they are insecure to begin with; they are not confident or assured and are uncertain and anxious. When they identify attributes which they lack, their insecurity burns with fire, as if someone just ignited a forest fire. Naturally, insecurity branches off into jealously and envy. If they work on their insecurity and become confident, the room for jealously and envy grows smaller and they become more confident in accepting their own traits and qualities.

Let’s be real, we have all hated on others and experienced jealously, envy and insecurity. But many of us recover from this destructive state of mind by working on our insecurities. When you start focusing on bettering yourself and appreciating others’ success, you will find more peace in your heart. You will even grow to appreciate how much others have that you don’t; you will become motivated to learn from them so that you can attain their level of success. This is how it works!

This is the psychology of hating. What’s your experience with it?

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

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Insecurity Virus

Silhouette photography of insecure woman

How To Fix Insecurity

Just one comment, remark or joke by somebody can spark insecurity and make you feel anxious and uncertain about yourself. It leaves you scratching your head wondering why in the world a set of words make you feel so unconfident. The feeling may last a couple of minutes or the entire day!

Self-doubt is a very uncomfortable feeling that can sometimes paralyze the quality of your day, like a virus affecting your computer. This tends to happen when you are careless or do not have an antivirus software running; in this case, a confident personality and thick skin.

The reason why certain comments can be triggers for feeling insecure is because they shake up our unconscious mind which contains repressed feelings and wishes. As a reminder, our unconscious mind is active 24/7. When it detects a set of words or emotions from somebody else, it may react very sensitively depending on the material.

If your unconscious mind is uncomfortable with the material, it pulls certain strings to make you feel insecure; like a wake up call. Insecurity can be good or bad. It’s good when the material that makes you feel insecure is related to improving yourself and making a critical and important change in your life.

It’s bad when the material that makes you feel insecure is not that important, yet you still become paralyzed. In this case, you have to learn how to shake off the insecurity virus by recovering quicker or preventing it from affecting you in the future. The way to fix insecurity is to fully experience it when it kicks in rather than fighting it.

Don’t ignore your insecurity. Instead, digest it no matter how uncomfortable the feeling, while maintaining strength. It’s almost contradictory to maintain strength and feel insecure at the same time, but it’s doable. The objective is to analyze why you’re feeling insecure without allowing it to affect you on a deeper level and paralyzing the rest of your day.

No matter how strong and successful you are, you will always experience the insecurity virus from time to time. But it’s how you handle it which determines your character and quality of life.

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

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Cruelty Does Not Resist In The Long Run

Cruel man holding telephone screaming

Cruelty Has No Room In Your Life

Do not be offended by the cruelty of others; they know what they are doing and it is eating them alive from within. Rather, we should feel sympathy for them and pray for their well being. It is not about “eye for an eye.” We must step up to the plate and be the role models ourselves.

The problems and issues of cruel people most likely stems from their childhood; they could have gone through a rough upbringing, experience molestation, bullying or the death of a loved one. Whatever the reason, it does not justify their cruelty in adulthood and we must be mindful of everyone’s past, rather than jumping to conclusions.

People who are cruel and do not attempt to fix themselves through psychotherapy will not lead happy lives for long. They are often cruel because they are insecure about themselves and they take it out on others. But for how long can they continue this process? It either leads to depression, self-destruction or a dead end (no pun intended).

Do you know anybody who has been cruel to you? How have you handled the situation? Feel free to share your stories in The DSM Ready Movement. We are about coming together and learning from each other.

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

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