Marinating in Sadness

Woman in black dress wearing brown bag on head with sad face

Cooking Yourself Alive

Marinating in sadness is nothing new to you

You need lubrication to get unstuck from the glue

The alcohol uses your veins as a rollercoaster ride

And you sadness remains empty because it was never full

Alcohol alleviates the pain but it’s only a game

You come crashing down soon after like rain

The ride never seems to end

You just start all over as if stuck in quicksand

Therefore what’s left to do besides marinate in sadness

You’re paralyzed on the couch

Your bedroom on your mind

You stare out the window slow as time

The world is moving forward and you’re stuck

If only you can ride that rainbow like Daffy Duck

You rely on drugs for hope and inspiration

But you come crashing down quickly

Your sadness was always out of luck

People want to get to know you

But you lost interest in them before they even met you

You give them a chance

However you’re already bored

They don’t think outside the box

They’re too manipulated by what they’re told

Seeking self-comfort seems like the only option at times

Peace of mind and solitude eases the painful obstacles of the mind

Can you relate to what I am saying or is this just a facade?

Think about it again because by tomorrow you probably forgot

Sad Hispanic woman lying on chair crying

Marinating in Sadness: What Tomorrow Brings

Marinating in sadness into the evening

Tomorrow might be different

Striving away from sinking

This evening your mind falls deeper into quicksand

You’re buried alive and lose touch with reality

Sleep has overtaken you

Now it’s tomorrow and find yourself alive

How can this be?

I thought I died

So you didn’t die because tomorrow opened your eyes

And you sadness is gone

That’s right

The quicksand was a portal for your mind

You’re feeling better

Sadness has been left behind

Are you ready for what tomorrow brings?

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

Marinating in sadness winking GIF face

Don’t Give Up On Your Mental Illness

Split photography of girl in front of plants

Tomorrow Is Another Day

There are many days when you just feel like giving up. No matter what you do, your mental illness is slowly taking over, controlling you as it pleases, when it pleases. Sometimes it feels like you’re just a bystander observing another entity running your life; you’re just on the sidelines in pain and discomfort. You keep trying to find ways to control it but whatever you do, it strikes back harder. Sometimes the most entertaining thought is giving up on everything.

But you can’t give up because that would mean that your mental illness has defeated you. No one deserves to lose a war against a mental illness; you may lose many battles but don’t lose a war! Losing a war is equivalent to losing your life, but losing many battles is like encountering many potholes on your journey throughout life. Potholes are okay as long as you keep pushing forward.

Even if you are medicated and still find it challenging to control your mental illness, you do not give up! There are always therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists and even family and friends who you can continue talking to. Giving up should never be the go-to strategy because with enough persistence, you will end up taking back control over your mind and defeating your mental illness.

But what do I mean by defeating? I’m not necessarily implying that you will never experience symptoms again; depending on your illness, that may prove to be a difficult task. But controlling your symptoms and learning to live with them when they do appear is what I mean by defeating your mental illness; reaching the point where you are no longer as bothered by them and you can live your life more comfortably.

You have to be realistic at times; symptoms do have a chance of recurring in the near future. For some, they enter remission and never experience symptoms ever again, but for many, symptoms do come back even if residual in nature. But with persistence, dedication and ongoing therapy, you can reach the point where you won’t be as affected and you can continue to carry on a comfortable life.

You just have to really want it and believe that you can reach that point in your life. Doubting yourself is definitely not the solution and living hopelessly is even worse. It can be a difficult process at times, but once you reach that stage where you feel like you have taken back control over your mind, you will feel amazing and discover a new type of confidence; one that will make you feel empowered and stronger than your mental illness.

Always remember that your mental illness does not define you. You define yourself.

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

Stuck In An Inpatient Psychiatric Unit

Depressed woman holding finger against mouth shut with tape

So Depressed That Light Can’t Get In

Think coronavirus is bad? Wait till you get your first glimpse of depression, which I hope you never do by the way! Everyone in this world has experienced sadness but not everyone has experienced depression; they’re completely different entities. Sadness is a normal emotion that you experience when bad things happen in your life. Depression is abnormal and is considered a mental illness; depression can get you stuck in an inpatient psychiatric unit with no end in sight.

When you feel sad, you eventually get over it; whether that’s in a few hours, a week or even 6 months such as when you’re grieving the loss of a person, you eventually recover. With depression, it’s like you become paralyzed by a force who is constantly sucking the life out of you. There are different types of depression, some more severe than others, but all forms of depression can be debilitating.

Imagine receiving antidepressants your whole life with no effect and you’re not even 25. Whatever the doctors have tried has not brought you any happiness; you continue to feel as if suicide is the only way out of this world. You start to entertain suicide because you have so much pain that you carry on a daily basis and you don’t know how to get rid of it. This pain is what is inflicted onto you by the force that is causing depression.

What is this force? Who knows. Is there something biologically altered in your brain? You bet. But the point of this article is to understand the pain and psychology behind people who experience treatment-resistant depression. Even with conventional treatments such as electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), many times they barely seem to budge one’s depression; they view their life as empty of light and full of darkness from morning to night; someone or something has permanently shut off the lights in their world.

We as psychiatrists talk to them on a daily basis and attempt to understand their suffering; we empathize with them as much as we can. When these patients inform us that their mood is “neutral”, we become very excited because we start to see a flicker of light at the end of the tunnel. But whether that light will last or whether we will ever come out of this tunnel, we never truly know.

The end of this tunnel must be reached by both the patient and the provider. If the patient fails to ever come out of the tunnel, then we have failed as psychiatrists. Some doctors don’t care as much, but I do! I want to step out of that tunnel with my patient and see him or her smile for the first time in 7 years. Then I’ll know that I did my best to set him or her on the right path to happiness.

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

Depression Dripping From Your Heart

Depressed man with hand on face sitting in front of chessboard

Tired And Depressed

Daylight saving time kicks in at 2 am. You wake up and think to yourself, “Is this supposed to make me happier?” You roll back to sleep in a different position as you entertain what might possibly go different today. Immediately, a negative thought pops into your mind, “Nothing will go differently cause you’re lame and have nothing to do.” You close your eyes as depression drips from your heart.

You finally get up, wash your face, brew a cup of French Vanilla Starbucks coffee and eat some honey crunch cereal while watching more negative coronavirus news on the television. You actually get a kick out of the increasing numbers of coronavirus fatalities, thinking to yourself how you’re not the only one suffering.

But then you quickly correct your thoughts and remind yourself that it’s never right to wish bad upon others. But then you wonder, “I feel bad for others but who feels bad for me?” As you jump into your routine activities with the hope that today will be better, the feeling of boredom and sadness slowly resurface.

You also feel tired and it’s only 10:43 am on a Saturday. You just don’t know what to do anymore. You’re not suicidal and you would never take your life, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to get out of this rut. You hope and hope that life will throw you a few milk bones and help you get out of this emotional disaster.

You’re sick of depression dripping from your heart; at least with a heart attack, you go to the hospital and hopefully recover within 24 hours. With depression, the feeling can linger for years at a time. This is worse than a heart attack! Depression is like being tortured 24/7 with no end in sight. Sometimes the only means of coping with depression is pulling out a bottle of Smirnoff. But then you remind yourself, “This won’t do anything either except make me more depressed in the long run.”

While some people require antidepressants or psychotherapy to improve from depression, not everyone needs these treatments. Don’t be quick to jump on a medication because there is no such thing as a “quick fix.” The true way to defeat depression is to dive within yourself and find out what it is that is truly bothering you.

Only after you make the identification, do you place yourself in a better position to defeat depression. Only then can you squeeze the remaining depressive juices out of your heart and urinate them away forever.

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

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