Tag: envy

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The Psychology of Hating

Frowning white man biting hand

The Hating Game

Everyone has experienced it. It’s that uncomfortable feeling within you when someone else is jealous, envious and insecure and attempts to put you down, whether using humor or not. Humor is often a disguise; it’s the lubricant for the hating game that helps ease the intensity of the experience. Those who don’t catch onto the haters have no idea what’s going on; they may think that the person is just playing around and end up giving them more power by being naive. The psychology of hating is based on three factors: jealously, envy and insecurity.

Jealously: People are jealous for a laundry list of reasons but one main reason is because of how you carry yourself. If you have your (shit) together (pardon my French, did not know what other word would best substitute it), such as being successful, dressing nicely, carrying yourself with confidence, having a lot of money, etc, some people will naturally be inclined to hate. Sometimes they don’t even know that they’re doing it; I call it “unconsciously hating.” Jealousy often consists of one or more emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness or disgust.

Envy: Is envy the same as jealously? I like to think that they are little different. While jealously is what I described above, I believe envy is more associated with emotional pain. When people envy you, they cannot stand that you have a quality, possession or other desirable attribute that they don’t have. While quite similar to jealously, in that people who envy others may experience anger, resentment and disgust, I believe that those who envy also experience a deep pain that is not necessarily shared by those who are jealous. Many are jealous but do not necessarily hate; they lie at the borderline of hating. But those who envy are certainly hating.

Insecurity: Lastly, I believe that this is the most powerful factor out of the three because it stems from deep inside the hater’s psyche. The entire reason that people hate is not because of jealously or envy. They hate because they are insecure to begin with; they are not confident or assured and are uncertain and anxious. When they identify attributes in you that they lack, their insecurity burns with fire, as if someone just ignited a forest fire. Naturally, insecurity branches off into jealously and envy. If they work on their insecurity and become confident despite lacking traits and qualities that others have, the room for jealously and envy grows smaller and they become more confident in accepting their own traits and qualities.

Let’s be real: we have all hated on others and experienced jealously, envy and insecurity. But many of us recover from this destructive state of mind by working on our insecurities. When you start focusing on bettering yourself and appreciating the success of others, rather than hating, you will find way more peace in your psyche, heart and existence. You will even grow to appreciate how much others have that you don’t; you will become motivated to learn from them so that you can attain their level of success. This is how it works!

This is the psychology of hating. What’s your experience with it?

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

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Psychology of Hating Someone

Frowning white man biting hand

The Hating Game

Everyone has experienced it. It’s that uncomfortable feeling within you when someone else is jealous, envious and insecure.Humor is often a disguise; it’s the lubricant for the hating game that helps ease the intensity of the experience. Those who don’t catch onto the haters have no idea what’s going on; they may think that the person is just playing around and end up giving them more power by being naive. The psychology of hating is based on three factors: jealously, envy and insecurity.

Jealously: People are jealous for a laundry list of reasons. One main reason is because of how you carry yourself. If you have your (shit) together (pardon my French, did not know what other word would best substitute it), such as being successful, dressing nicely, carrying yourself with confidence, having a lot of money, etc, some people will naturally be inclined to hate. Sometimes they don’t even know that they’re doing it; I call it “unconsciously hating.” Jealousy often consists of one or more emotions such as anger, resentment or inadequacy.

Jealous eye staring at man kissing woman

Psychology of Hating Someone: Envy

Envy: Is envy the same as jealously? I like to think that they are little different. While jealously is what I described above, I believe envy is more associated with emotional pain. When people envy you, they cannot stand that you have a quality or desirable attribute that they don’t have. While quite similar to jealously, people who envy others experience resentment and disgust; they also experience a deep pain. Many are jealous but do not necessarily hate; they lie at the borderline of hating. But those who envy are certainly hating.

Psychology of Hating Someone: Insecurity

Insecurity: This is the most powerful factor out of the three because it stems from deep inside the hater’s psyche. The entire reason that people hate is not because of jealously or envy. They hate because they are insecure to begin with; they are not confident or assured and are uncertain and anxious. When they identify attributes which they lack, their insecurity burns with fire, as if someone just ignited a forest fire. Naturally, insecurity branches off into jealously and envy. If they work on their insecurity and become confident, the room for jealously and envy grows smaller and they become more confident in accepting their own traits and qualities.

Let’s be real, we have all hated on others and experienced jealously, envy and insecurity. But many of us recover from this destructive state of mind by working on our insecurities. When you start focusing on bettering yourself and appreciating others’ success, you will find more peace in your heart. You will even grow to appreciate how much others have that you don’t; you will become motivated to learn from them so that you can attain their level of success. This is how it works!

This is the psychology of hating. What’s your experience with it?

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

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Haters Back Off

Two young girls annoyed with each other

Meeting someone at first sight may be very deceiving. They may appear wonderful and sweet at first, but annoying and disgustful over time. First impressions are not everything. It takes some time and digging through their chart to really discover their history. If you turn a blind eye to details, you’ll be distracted by the bigger picture which does not paint a pretty sight. And what happens then? You may end up surrounding yourself with people who don’t have your best interest at heart. In that case, haters back off!

It’s not difficult to elicit more specific details about someone. All you have to do is catch them at a bad time when they are not at their best. When doing so, their emotions will get in the way and they will start revealing how they truly think and feel about you. At this point, you’re just raking in the juicy details. If their true thoughts and emotions are still pleasant, then you’re dealing with a keeper; if not, then it’s time to say goodbye and move on.

Haters back off - face with envious gaze

Haters Back Off Now

Don’t do yourself a disservice by ignoring one’s true character. Study haters like a book and and learn to weed them out before they become a nuisance. Please understand that haters are very insecure to begin with. It doesn’t matter if they’re successful or poor. While it does help to be successful, insecurity is not correlated with wealth. Insecurity stems from internal psychological factors. So if a successful person is hating on you, they’re not necessarily hating on your wealth, status or success. They are hating something about your character and how you carry yourself; something that they are missing.

Hating stems from the unconscious mind and many times people don’t even know why they hate on others. We often think that haters despise our wealth or success, but as I mentioned above, it’s not always the case. Be definition, a person who is insecure is not confident or assured and is likely uncertain and anxious. If you somehow get under their skin, many times without even trying to do so, their insecurity kicks in. All of a sudden, you become their target.

It’s also very easy to spot haters. Pay attention to their body language, especially their facial expressions. I’ve stated in a previous article that paying attention to body language will help you to be successful with others. Studying the body language of haters is very easy. They often look at you with disgust or jealously and start acting cold or mean towards you. When this happens, you’ve spotted your hater! Keep doing you and don’t change anything about yourself. Remember that you’re not doing anything wrong. Don’t let a hater’s insecurity rub onto you.

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

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I Am Free Of Hatred

Angry blonde woman wearing red hoodie and yelling

Positive Affirmation: Giving Up On Hatred

“I am free of hatred because I do not identify with jealousy, envy, evilness, anger, fights, emotional upsets and my pure heart has no room for hatred when its intention is to keep on spreading love!”

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Envious Friends

Envious blonde woman wearing black hat standing beside beige grass

Knowing Who Your Real Friends Are

Having good friends is crucial for your mental health because it helps to prevent loneliness, increase your self-esteem, improve your confidence and much more. But as anyone knows, it can be quite difficult to make good friends. Many friends who you think might be good, actually turn out to be envious: these envious friends can be quite poisonous.

Knowing who your real friends are can be quite a challenge at times, especially in the beginning when they are new. They may be nice, supportive, entertaining, funny and caring, but these traits can often disguise their envious nature. If you are not good at reading between the lines, you may not notice that one of your friends is actually envious of you and does not really like you as much as you think.

Spotting envious friends should not be that difficult. Look for some of these signs:

  • They often make fun of you for no apparent reason
  • They often look at you from the corner of their eyes like you’re better than them
  • They may talk behind your back in a negative way
  • They may not seem that interested in your presence when hanging out
  • They may appear superficial and distant around you

. . . and more. You’d be surprised on how many people miss the above signs in their friendships, carelessly holding onto these toxic relationships. Because they miss these signs, the toxicity may not necessarily be apparaent to them, but guess what is working 24/7 and recording everything?

You guessed it! The unconscious mind. These toxic friendships take a toll on your unconscious mind, further adding to the pile of mental conflicts that we all carry on a daily basis. Even worse, some people may know that they have envious friends and still hold onto them!

It’s not that surprising. It’s similar to people who remain in dysfunctional or unattractive relationships out of the fear of being single again or starting their dating experience from scratch. But if you are holding onto envious friends or a bad relationship, then you are doing yourself a disservice.

You should always put your mental health and well-being first, even if it means cutting down on many current friends that you have. It’s better to be by yourself than to have friends who are envious or don’t care that much about you. Even though it might be emotionally difficult to be by yourself in the present moment, it’ll be better in the long-run when you do find meaningful friends who have your back.

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

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People Will Be Jealous

Jealous person's face

When Human Nature Interferes

There is no way to avoid it; jealously is part of human nature for some and you must expect that they will be in tune with their feelings toward you. They do not have to give you a reason for why they envy you; you can read it on their guilty face and continue smiling.

Whatever your achievements or advantages are, stand proud and strong by them. Do not let others’ jealousy make you self-conscious; this is a personality issue from their part and not from yours. Your goal is to maintain your composure and carry on.

Do not try to confront their jealousy; it will just make things awkward and make you look weak. You will lose your prestige if you confront another person’s jealously. Learn to accept their envy; it means you are doing something right!

What you should never do is become jealous of others! If you find yourself dealing with a person who demonstrates an advantage over you, be appreciative and learn from them! You will gain more by being honest and trying to learn from someone else rather than becoming jealous of them and feeling insecure inside.

The DSM Ready Movement does not promote jealously of others. We are a community built on people from all levels, including rich, poor, successful, happy, depressed or content. We are here to learn from each other, build relationships and help one another elevate to a higher level of consciousness!

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

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