A Painful Loss

A painful loss - sun rays beaming down on lake surrounded by hills

Unexpected Encounter with Death

A painful loss

You know it’s coming

Like a breeze in the distance

The signs are obvious

He’s symptomatic

The heart fails

Like he’s impaled

Bradycardia it entails

Rushed to the animal hospital

He’s 14 years of age

Put him down they say

It’s his end of days

But how can we?

He’s been my baby since I was 20


A Painful Loss – As Technology Steps In

A pacemaker it is

20k it costs

It’s only money

But it’ll help prevent an early loss

The doctors say it’s risky

He’s already old

There’s sound coming from the backroom

The veterinarian walks in

Bleek is moving and eating

His appetite is back

His life-force is intact . . .

The pacemaker is working

The medical team claps

He’s discharged back

But will he truly recover from this procedure?

He’s 14 or 104 years old in dog years

Nevertheless we hold back our tears

No one at home and all alone

He starts to eat and drink

Death missed its shot

Bleek is back on top . . .

Six Months Later

He’s doing great

Running in the park smiling

We can’t believe he’s striving

My little boy with white whiskers

Blind since a young age

When he wandered in our yard following a bigger dog

Left at our door as delivered by an angel

Every day remains a blessing

Death retreated in the distance

But not so fast . . .

Bleek suddenly stops eating . . .

He ate something unknown off the grass . . .

Oh no, please Bleek what’s wrong now?

He’s diagnosed with pancreatitis in March 2022

Not eating well, he starts slowing down

Death are you back striking at him again?

But his appetite slowly comes back

But it doesn’t last long

He’s eating out of my mom’s palm

Does he even want to be alive?

Bleek tell us, are you okay?

Staring Death In The Eyes

Saturday afternoon I still remember the day

Laying in my bed at 1pm chilling away

My mom FaceTimes me

Yay I get to see Bleek!

It’s not a happy call, truly bleak indeed

I see him standing on the grass barely holding himself upright

She’s afraid he won’t last much longer

Does we put him to sleep?

I realize death is here to keep

Sunday arrives and it’s Easter

Back on FaceTime and Bleek looks like he’s in a coma

I’m shocked staring at the screen

3 days before going back home . . .

Is he really going to die before then?

As my mother cries and holds him like a baby

His eyes glow and open up

He takes his final walk around the house

He’s not giving up . . .

But then lays down with a sideways collapse

Back on the couch to relax . . .

That night death settles in the air

His breathing becomes heavy

With sadness in the air . . .

My mother wakes up at 530am

Bleek still on the couch downstairs

In a pool of diarrhea and vomit . . .

Immediately she places him in the car

20 minutes into the drive . . .

He takes his last gasp of air

And gives up the ghost . . .

Three Days Later

As I drive on the PA turnpike back towards New York

Staring at the hills and mountains

75 mph I cry

Thinking that Bleek died 72 hours prior

Couldn’t he live a little longer

I just wanted to hold him a little stronger . . .

Let him die in my arms during my vacation

Why did life have to take him away

3 days before my vacation . . .

Maybe Bleek chose this fate

Dogs do understand what we say

Did he know I was coming home for a few days to stay?

Did he choose to give up the ghost

So I don’t see him in such a state of disbelief?

I arrive home and unpack in my bedroom

Immediately I cry in disbelief . . .

Bleek is not here to watch me unpack as he used to do . . .

But I feel his presence as if he left a goodbye

Perhaps before he died he left me a spiritual message

“I’ll always be by your side”. . .

A Painful Loss the Day After Easter

As I drove back home 4 days later, while on the PA turnpike heading back to New York, for a split second it sounded like I heard his cry. It was a similar cry as the one he would do when waiting downstairs for me to come down from the second floor. And today, 4/29/22, as I was chilling on my laptop, I thought I heard his cry again in the background . . . I thought to myself, “It can’t be. It must be a dog outside whining or something. But I thought to myself… would I really hear a similar dog’s cry from a fourth floor apartment?”

I have been praying to God to send messages to Bleek on my behalf because I truly believe that he is in heaven. I have also come across articles that state that animals’ souls have lower vibrational energy than human souls and that it’s harder for them to send us spiritual messages from the afterlife; angels and other spiritual guides often help them. Could it be that Bleek has tried contacting me twice in the form of a very distinct cry which I attribute to him? What message is he trying to send me?

I kinda knew since March that Bleek wasn’t going to live into 2023, but I never thought that his death was going to happen so soon; definitely not 3 days before my vacation back home. One of the most painful parts about this experience is him dying 3 days before going back home. I can’t comprehend the timing and why I couldn’t just hold him one last time… It truly was a painful loss.

All I wanted was one last time . . . But if Bleek is making contact with me from the afterlife, then I will keep praying for his wellbeing. I do believe animals have souls and God provides them with an amazing home after their life here on Earth, with us human companions.

What is your experience?


The Coronavirus Fear Intensifies

Brunette woman wrapped in yellow "stop" tape holding sign that says "COVID19"

100,000-240,000 Deaths Predicted In The USA

Just when we thought that the coronavirus was going away, we were suddenly slapped in the face with an update about the projected death toll expected to climb to almost a quarter million. It seems that whatever we are doing is not working. They continue to emphasize social distancing, yet the death toll is steadily rising. The coronavirus fear intensifies while we sit in our living room shell-shocked.

Now states are considering passing executive orders for people to stay at home, but what are they going to do when many will disobey these orders? Fine us? Lock us behind bars? Having people locked inside their homes like caged animals does not sound like a tactic that is realistic; it works on paper but is not applicable in real life.

I mean think about it! How can you force people to stay at home without going to work or being productive members of society? Are we going to have the government deliver us food and toilet paper? Can we even get toilet paper anymore? Amazon seems to have let us down; maybe the first time in history! What are we paying Jeff Bezos for? Get us some damn toilet paper!

Can you imagine that it’s 2020 and the United States of America is out of toilet paper and we are sitting in our homes like caged animals? The social distancing technique is showing no signs of progress and the mainstream media (some call it the “lamestream media”) is making us more paranoid and fearful of our current situation.

The mental health of Americans and everyone around the world is taking a huge hit. Many are starting to lose touch with reality and those who were already suffering from depression, anxiety and psychosis are decompensating. The truth is that we shouldn’t blame the government. It’s so easy to point fingers at others while we casually sit in our homes doing nothing productive.

Even though we are becoming more fearful of the current situation, we must remain positive and in good spirits; we cannot let our guard down. The one positive thing about social media during this COVID-19 pandemic (and for those who know me, I’ve been critical of social media in the past) is that it helps to bring us together and prevent us from feeling completely isolated within our home.

Isolation is the cousin of mental illness; this cousin should be outcasted from the family because it only brings upon us negative results. Never isolate yourself; if you find yourself doing so, go take a walk in the park and observe the people around you. Isolation is bad and you should avoid it at all costs.

Let’s continue to connect.

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Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

So Good They Can’t Ignore You

Blonde woman feeling ignored while sitting next to trees with head down

The Last Thing You Did Was Ignore Them

Whether it’s a patient, family member or friend, you never want to get into the habit of ignoring anyone. There will be many people in life who you will be tempted to ignore because of their character flaws. But we all have character flaws; do we expect others to ignore us? So good they can’t ignore you is not a universal situation, nor should we expect it to be.

Not many people have the charisma, wit, humor and good looks that you may have. People may not ignore you, but they very well may be ignoring others. When someone is ignored, guess how it makes them feel? Beneath you, not good enough, “something wrong with me,” pathetic and maybe . . . “not worthy of living.

When you’re ignoring someone, you’re playing with their self-esteem. You don’t know how they’re already feeling inside; they may be in the midst of depression and you’re ignoring them may be the tipping point into committing suicide. It’s not that you’d be held responsible if they did commit suicide, but how would you feel if you learned that someone who you ignored yesterday, is now gone today?

Sometimes death occurs very unexpectedly, similar to the death of Kobe Bryant. Sometimes, the last thing you did was ignore a person, thinking to yourself, “I’ll just see them next time. I don’t have time right now,” only to find out that the person passed away from a medical complication.

Guess how that will make you feel? Oftentimes, it makes you feel bad that you didn’t get a chance to talk to them one last time. Your mind starts replaying the memory of your last encounter, emphasizing how you quickly brushed passed them, ignoring what they were trying to tell you.

Life should never be taken for granted; not even interactions with people who we don’t particularly like. Every person deserves their own platform to speak their mind. We don’t have to agree with them, but the least that we can do is allow them to speak and share their feelings and thoughts.

So good they can’t ignore you? It doesn’t apply to everyone.

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

Celebrating The Wrong Things In Life

Person's hand on gray skull

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi Death

We wake up to turn on the news and hear the death of the founder of the ISIS caliphate. A rush of excitement jolts through our emotional center, leaving us ecstatic like “hell yeah!” But why? What is so exciting about the death of another human being who suffered from hatred and mental illness?

We become excited at the wrong things. The same thing happened during president Obama’s term when Osama Bin Laden’s death was announced. We should not be celebrating the deaths of individuals throughout history, no matter their level of evilness. That is what judgment day is for when our Lord Jesus Christ returns.

The news media has one job and that is to deliver the biggest cracking news that’s available. But we have one job as well: to spread love and joy and build an international community based on honesty and moral values. Celebrating the death of a killer does not fit The DSM Ready Movement agenda.

Let’s celebrate new discoveries and developments in the field of medicine and psychiatry; treatments that will help alleviate our suffering and help us to live unitedly happy. Let’s celebrate when we hear that another person has stepped out of the shadows to talk about their mental illness!

Let’s celebrate that we have generous human beings who donate to charities and help children and animals around the world to have food and shelter. What is more important than living a good and honest life and believing in God? We must come together and help all the needy and those suffering from mental illness; selfishness is not part of The DSM Ready Movement agenda.

Let’s celebrate life. Not death.

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

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