Falling in Love

Can’t Help Falling in Love

Falling in love… Why do we do it? We think the other person is an extension of ourselves, but are they really? We want to unite and feel like one, but many times with the wrong person; if that weren’t so, then why do 50% of marriages in the United States fail? And why are folks so quick to jump into relationships and run off to get married? Are you supposed to be awarded some kind of medal or something? Let’s not even get into the fact that so many couples remain in a relationship even if they know deep inside that they’re not right for each other; the fear of starting over is overpowering.

They believe that by minimizing arguments, maximizing pleasure and ignoring what they don’t like about each other, that everything will be fine. It never is fine if your partner is not the right one to begin with. Then there are the couples who aren’t in an official relationship; they are in something casual. The movies call them “friends with benefits.” These folks often do well together because it’s a “no strings attached” type of situation, until one of them becomes emotional, catches feelings and falls in love; then he or she tries to distance themselves or even starts a fight to deal with their insecurities.

Man and woman kissing under moon at night

If Anything Happens I Love You

Then there are the couples who are in an open relationship and allow each other to sleep around with other partners. I never understood this type of relationship. It’s supposed to be along the lines of, “I love you so much that I will let you sleep with others!” If that’s the situation, I don’t see how these relationships can go the distance, and I’m not referring to a couple of years, but more like a lifetime. Sleeping with different partners only promotes more interest in other people and may make you lose interest in your partner; what if you meet someone who has more chemistry than your partner? Overall, falling in love and holding onto a current relationship is easier than starting over with a new person who might be a better fit.

What is love to you? Have you experienced pain related to love? Share your experiences below.

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

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5 Replies to “Falling in Love”

  1. This is a complex topic for me. In Islam, mixing with the opposite gender is wrong, and it is shameful for 2 people to be together without being married. This causes many girls like myself to jump into marriage based on infatuation thinking it is love because they are so inexperienced and haven’t dealt with the opposite gender enough to know that love takes time. They jump into marriage to satisfy their basal needs and realize that the moment they said I do, the man becomes possessive and demanding and all that showing the good side to get her to marry him was his way of ensuring his needs get satisfied. Then there is the obsession of many men to have an heir, pushing the woman, myself included, to get pregnant when they’re not ready for motherhood and when they haven’t properly gotten to know their spouse enough to decide if they are the one or not. Not that it would make a difference because when divorce occurs, the Arab woman is always blamed. So the woman gets pregnant and has a baby and then is stuck. Every once in a while, divorce is put at the table, then is thought of as an inconvenience, and that it’s better to be in an okay marriage than to tear the family apart in search of happiness, especially when in Islam, the husband always gets the kids. I love my husband and we gave been married for 7 years but I don’t think he is the one. I fantasize about being single again but I will never remarry if I am ever single, and I can’t date because that is prohibited in Islam so staying in an okay marriage is my best bet. I now search for meaning in my marriage and happiness in other things. Plus, the stress the situation in Lebanon is putting on us is enough to break a strong marriage but since we are still together, maybe our marriage is strong enough? I don’t know. These are my thoughts. They change sometimes, when I feel blissfully happy or that my marriage is much better than other people I know.

    1. Thanks for sharing! I think you answered your own question. It’s seems like a major inconvenience to divorce, so maybe that is what is holding your marriage together? Not necessarily that it’s a strong marriage since “you are still together.” Even in Western couples, many remain together to avoid being single and starting over. It’s psychological; humans want the easy route in life even if the easy route does not bring the most fruitful opportunities. I enjoyed reading your experience. I hope you may find peace and perhaps pray to God to give you guidance. Remember, you only live once, so don’t feel like you have to live a certain way just because of cultural/religious standards. Be and free yourself.

      1. You’re welcome. Thanks. I hope so too. It’s my goal to find inner peace. I do find it sometimes, the peace in the chaos. I hope that if one day it becomes all too much, that I know when to walk away…

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