Psychology of Hating Someone

Frowning white man biting hand

The Hating Game

Everyone has experienced it. It’s that uncomfortable feeling within you when someone else is jealous, envious and insecure.Humor is often a disguise; it’s the lubricant for the hating game that helps ease the intensity of the experience. Those who don’t catch onto the haters have no idea what’s going on; they may think that the person is just playing around and end up giving them more power by being naive. The psychology of hating is based on three factors: jealously, envy and insecurity.

Jealously: People are jealous for a laundry list of reasons. One main reason is because of how you carry yourself. If you have your (shit) together (pardon my French, did not know what other word would best substitute it), such as being successful, dressing nicely, carrying yourself with confidence, having a lot of money, etc, some people will naturally be inclined to hate. Sometimes they don’t even know that they’re doing it; I call it “unconsciously hating.” Jealousy often consists of one or more emotions such as anger, resentment or inadequacy.

Jealous eye staring at man kissing woman

Psychology of Hating Someone: Envy

Envy: Is envy the same as jealously? I like to think that they are little different. While jealously is what I described above, I believe envy is more associated with emotional pain. When people envy you, they cannot stand that you have a quality or desirable attribute that they don’t have. While quite similar to jealously, people who envy others experience resentment and disgust; they also experience a deep pain. Many are jealous but do not necessarily hate; they lie at the borderline of hating. But those who envy are certainly hating.

Psychology of Hating Someone: Insecurity

Insecurity: This is the most powerful factor out of the three because it stems from deep inside the hater’s psyche. The entire reason that people hate is not because of jealously or envy. They hate because they are insecure to begin with; they are not confident or assured and are uncertain and anxious. When they identify attributes which they lack, their insecurity burns with fire, as if someone just ignited a forest fire. Naturally, insecurity branches off into jealously and envy. If they work on their insecurity and become confident, the room for jealously and envy grows smaller and they become more confident in accepting their own traits and qualities.

Let’s be real, we have all hated on others and experienced jealously, envy and insecurity. But many of us recover from this destructive state of mind by working on our insecurities. When you start focusing on bettering yourself and appreciating others’ success, you will find more peace in your heart. You will even grow to appreciate how much others have that you don’t; you will become motivated to learn from them so that you can attain their level of success. This is how it works!

This is the psychology of hating. What’s your experience with it?

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

Psychology of hating someone smiley winking GIF face

Falling in Love

White man and woman in love sitting on gray beanbag

Can’t Help Falling in Love

Falling in love… Why do we do it? We think the other person is an extension of ourselves, but are they really? We want to unite and feel like one, but many times with the wrong person; if that weren’t so, then why do 50% of marriages in the United States fail? And why are folks so quick to jump into relationships and run off to get married? Are you supposed to be awarded some kind of medal or something? Let’s not even get into the fact that so many couples remain in a relationship even if they know deep inside that they’re not right for each other; the fear of starting over is overpowering.

They believe that by minimizing arguments, maximizing pleasure and ignoring what they don’t like about each other, that everything will be fine. It never is fine if your partner is not the right one to begin with. Then there are the couples who aren’t in an official relationship; they are in something casual. The movies call them “friends with benefits.” These folks often do well together because it’s a “no strings attached” type of situation, until one of them becomes emotional, catches feelings and falls in love; then he or she tries to distance themselves or even starts a fight to deal with their insecurities.

Man and woman kissing under moon at night

If Anything Happens I Love You

Then there are the couples who are in an open relationship and allow each other to sleep around with other partners. I never understood this type of relationship. It’s supposed to be along the lines of, “I love you so much that I will let you sleep with others!” If that’s the situation, I don’t see how these relationships can go the distance, and I’m not referring to a couple of years, but more like a lifetime. Sleeping with different partners only promotes more interest in other people and may make you lose interest in your partner; what if you meet someone who has more chemistry than your partner? Overall, falling in love and holding onto a current relationship is easier than starting over with a new person who might be a better fit.

What is love to you? Have you experienced pain related to love? Share your experiences below.

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

smiley GIF face

Negative People’s Characteristics

Attractive bitter white woman with breast cleavage staring down

We’re all surrounded by negative people’s characteristics. Some of them are our friends, family members or coworkers. At what point do you draw the line and stop interacting with them? Many times, we love these people and find them funny, entertaining, attractive and fun to be around, but their negative temperament often causes you to feel sad. It’s very important to keep this in mind because who you surround yourself with influences your thoughts, behavior and expressions. Being around negative people for too long will slowly turn you into a negative person as well.

Negative people's characteristics: angry white man wearing hoodie with folded arms

Negative People’s Characteristics: Bitter, Pessimistic and Rigid

To feel bitter is to feel angry, hurt, or resentful because of one’s bad experiences or a sense of unjust treatment. When someone has had many bad experiences in their past and has not properly dealt with them, they become bitter. This is a defense mechanism that attempts to prevent them from experiencing more bad experiences in the future. Rather than learning from their bad experiences and moving on, they can’t properly process them and remain angry instead. So when you run into them, you can’t help but to experience their bitterness.

To be pessimistic is to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen. Again, this stems from many bad experiences in their past to the point that they have lost hope for the future. This is another defense mechanism that attempts to protect them by expecting the worst. If you expect the worst, your mind is not surprised if a bad outcome does result. It almost becomes an automatic process to be pessimistic unless you point it out to someone and help them to change.

To be rigid is to be inflexible in your communication, interactions and behavior. People can also be inflexible in their thought process and how they approach situations. While rigidity may be a personality trait from birth, I believe it has a lot to do with your upbringing. Your relationship with your parents and/or siblings along with early school experiences play a role in your rigidity. Some children experience a lot of bullying and end up developing rigidity as a protective defense mechanism; they’re protecting themselves from more future negative interactions.

Negative people's characteristics GIF smiley face

Haters Back Off

Two young girls annoyed with each other

Meeting someone at first sight may be very deceiving. They may appear wonderful and sweet at first, but annoying and disgustful over time. First impressions are not everything. It takes some time and digging through their chart to really discover their history. If you turn a blind eye to details, you’ll be distracted by the bigger picture which does not paint a pretty sight. And what happens then? You may end up surrounding yourself with people who don’t have your best interest at heart. In that case, haters back off!

It’s not difficult to elicit more specific details about someone. All you have to do is catch them at a bad time when they are not at their best. When doing so, their emotions will get in the way and they will start revealing how they truly think and feel about you. At this point, you’re just raking in the juicy details. If their true thoughts and emotions are still pleasant, then you’re dealing with a keeper; if not, then it’s time to say goodbye and move on.

Haters back off - face with envious gaze

Haters Back Off Now

Don’t do yourself a disservice by ignoring one’s true character. Study haters like a book and and learn to weed them out before they become a nuisance. Please understand that haters are very insecure to begin with. It doesn’t matter if they’re successful or poor. While it does help to be successful, insecurity is not correlated with wealth. Insecurity stems from internal psychological factors. So if a successful person is hating on you, they’re not necessarily hating on your wealth, status or success. They are hating something about your character and how you carry yourself; something that they are missing.

Hating stems from the unconscious mind and many times people don’t even know why they hate on others. We often think that haters despise our wealth or success, but as I mentioned above, it’s not always the case. Be definition, a person who is insecure is not confident or assured and is likely uncertain and anxious. If you somehow get under their skin, many times without even trying to do so, their insecurity kicks in. All of a sudden, you become their target.

It’s also very easy to spot haters. Pay attention to their body language, especially their facial expressions. I’ve stated in a previous article that paying attention to body language will help you to be successful with others. Studying the body language of haters is very easy. They often look at you with disgust or jealously and start acting cold or mean towards you. When this happens, you’ve spotted your hater! Keep doing you and don’t change anything about yourself. Remember that you’re not doing anything wrong. Don’t let a hater’s insecurity rub onto you.

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

Taking Advantage of Other People

Angry yellow and black smiley wall art against red brick wall

Leeches are people who sponge off of you and do not offer much in return. For instance, they request to borrow money but do not pay you the correct amount back in time. They may offer to help you with a project and demand recognition for their efforts, despite the fact that their help was not that great to begin with. You can tell when you are dealing with a leech by the way they interact with you and others; they’re needy, obnoxious, demanding and lose it when things don’t go their way. What you need to do is to remain cool, calm and collected and carry on. But if you find yourself taking advantage of other people, then you need to take a hard look at yourself in the mirror.

Even friends and family members often try to take advantage of you. I’m sure everyone knows a person who is nice to you, but always seems to request something from you that is just off. For instance, I have a childhood tennis friend who still keeps in touch with me. We’re on good terms but not the best of friends. He recently came on vacation to Manhattan and knew that I was leaving to Tampa and Pittsburgh for a week. He had the courage to ask me if he could sleep in my apartment for a few days while I was away. This is a friend who I talk to every 2-3 months; we barely keep in touch. The fact that he asked me that question just reinforced my take on his character; someone who wants to take advantage of a situation without considering if it’s an appropriate and respectable action to take.

Taking advantage of other people - hand holding puppet by strings

Taking Advantage of Other People is Pathetic

I think we all have the potential to take advantage of others; it’s called human nature. But you need to correct yourself when you feel like taking advantage of others. If you find yourself requesting something from someone with an uncomfortable feeling in your chest, take a step back and ask yourself why you’re doing it. If you find that the other person stands nothing to gain from your request, is your request even necessary? Classically, people with narcissistic, sociopathic and antisocial traits are notorious for taking advantage of others. They simply do not care about what happens to them, as long as they are gaining something and benefiting in the end.

Another reason people try to take advantage of others is because they don’t want to do the right thing in life. Many times, doing the right thing means putting in more work or taking the less comfortable route in life. Many people are weak-minded and don’t have the discipline or courage to do the right thing. Instead, they spot opportunities in others, regardless of whether they are harming them in some subtle way. When people take advantage of others, they are being manipulative. Manipulation is easy to spot for the trained eye. If you’re not one of those people, then I recommend you start educating yourself about common manipulative tactics, so you can protect yourself from those who take advantage.

Don’t be one of those people. Do the right thing.

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

Daily Positive Affirmations

Businesswomen talking and smiling in front of laptop

I Am a Great Communicator

“I am a great communicator because I focus on what others have to say rather than dominating the conversation. People look up to me not because I have impressive things to say, but because I have great listening skills. People appreciate the time and attention that I give them. I talk at the right time and people pay more attention to what I say because I’m attentively listening to what they have to say. When I talk less and listen more, others are more willing to hear what I have to say, as compared to when I talk more and listen less. I am a great communicator because I use empathy in my conversations and feel the other person out. This is especially true when they are in pain and emotional turmoil. I am a great communicator and others appreciate my presence! This is one of my daily positive affirmations.”

Daily positive affirmations - Sagittal view of human brain and face

Daily Positive Affirmations – I Speak With Confidence

“Every day, even when I’m not feeling well, I make my best effort to speak with confidence. Speaking clearly and intelligently allows me to feel good about myself. People respect me because I speak with confidence even when I’m not in the best mood. My mood does not represent the way I speak, because I separate the two. When I feel low, I still speak with confidence. When I feel happy, I speak with even more confidence. Speaking with confidence is important because it improves my communication skills. People respect great communication skills because it portrays leadership. They desire a great leader who can show them the way. People want to be shown the way because they want an easier life. When I speak with confidence, I make my life and others’ lives easier.

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

I Am Kind-Hearted

Colorful church window baptism

Positive Affirmation: Heart Of Gold

“I am kind-hearted because I have learned through my life experience that doing the opposite has never resolved any problems. Weak people rely on hate and division, but I rely on God’s love which he has shared with the world before our creation. I am kind-hearted because this helps the world evolve into a better place, whether or not others recognize it. I am not like the rest because I am not of this world as God teaches us in the bible. And that’s why I am kind-hearted!”

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

Gray-Hearted Individuals

Angry brown Indian male pointing finger with open mouth

People Who Get Under Your Skin

We have all experienced being around people who get under our skin; there’s no avoiding it. These individuals roam the world like wild flock, crossing your path at predictable and unpredictable times. Some of these people you have to work with and see them on a daily basis while others randomly come and go. Whatever the situation, almost anyone will agree that they are a pain in the ass to deal with. Not only do they get under your skin, but they get under many people’s skin.

One thing to keep in mind is that attempting to understand where they come from will do you no good in the long run; you’ll often never find out. You may ask yourself why. The reason is because they will not change their perception and attitude towards you; if they haven’t after a month, six months or a year, then they never will. So why bother wasting your energy attempting to under them?

I call these people gray-hearted individuals because it’s not clear whether their hearts are filled with love or hatred. A lot of times, it feels like they are in-between; on some days you are able to sense some love while on others, all you can feel is anger, jealousy, envy and hatred. One thing that you know for sure is that their hearts are not full of love because otherwise, they wouldn’t be rude and mean to you in the first place.

People who carry a lot of love in their hearts do not consistently get under your skin. These are the people who you can feel their love radiate not only onto you, but onto everyone in the room as well. These are the people who even if you don’t have much in common with, you can sense that they are loving human beings. Remember that you don’t have to have something in common with someone who is loving.

But these gray-hearted individuals are bitter and lack a heart full of love. If they feel threatened in any way by you, they are quick to jump on your back to stab it a few hundred times; it’s almost an automatic response for them because they have been doing it their entire lives. On the other hand, if you get on their good side, they decrease their attacks on you, but at what expense are you willing to sacrifice your sanity to get on their good side? If you can do it by still being yourself, then that’s what you call emotional intelligence!

What is your experience like with these gray-hearted individuals?

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)

I Am In Love With The World

Heart sign through green bush outside

Positive Affirmation: Loving The World

“I am in love with the world for God loved the world so much, that he gave his only Son Jesus Christ so that it can be saved. I do not identify with evilness but recognize its shape and form when it manifests around me and even in me at moments in time. Aside from the evilness in the world, I love the world because I am of God and I am his child. And when someone commits an evil deed towards me, I kiss his other cheek for I am here to spread love, kindness and positive vibes. I am not here to judge the world but to live for God by spreading love.”

The Importance Of Maintaining Professionalism

White women and men dressed in black suits sitting around wooden table

You Won’t Like Everyone That You Meet

You’ll find yourself in many situations where you’ll meet new people and immediately feel the disconnect and distance. The first few moments are the warmup stage; you shoot your shot and they shoot theirs. But after about 30 seconds to a minute, you quickly realize that things are getting awkward and that maybe distance is the better option. Everyone experiences these situations and you are not alone!

What I mean by professionalism is that even though you may dislike this new person in your life, it is important to still maintain proper manners and be respectful. This seems like common sense but it’s so easy to lose your cool, especially if you’re not having a great day. Remember that just because you guys didn’t click at first does not mean that you will never click. For some relations, it just takes more time to break the ice.

But you may never break the ice and that is okay as well. Remember that the other person is still thinking about you and observing you despite their lack of connection with you. This means that by being respectful towards them, they are recognizing that your character is valuable and respectful as well. This will help you establish a good reputation that others will remember you by.

You won’t like everyone that you meet but that’s life! Don’t fret over it and definitely don’t lose sleep. Your mental health is much more valuable than getting into pointless arguments with someone who you just met. Just play it cool and focus on what you have to do. The rest will fall in its place.

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)