A Painful Loss

Unexpected Encounter with Death

A painful loss

You know it’s coming

Like a breeze in the distance

The signs are obvious

He’s symptomatic

The heart fails

Like he’s impaled

Bradycardia it entails

Rushed to the animal hospital

He’s 14 years of age

Put him down they say

It’s his end of days

But how can we?

He’s been my baby since I was 20

A Painful Loss – As Technology Steps In

A pacemaker it is

20k it costs

It’s only money

But it’ll help prevent an early loss

The doctors say it’s risky

He’s already old

There’s sound coming from the backroom

The veterinarian walks in

Bleek is moving and eating

His appetite is back

His life-force is intact . . .

The pacemaker is working

The medical team claps

He’s discharged back

But will he truly recover from this procedure?

He’s 14 or 104 years old in dog years

Nevertheless we hold back our tears

No one at home and all alone

He starts to eat and drink

Death missed its shot

Bleek is back on top . . .

Six Months Later

He’s doing great

Running in the park smiling

We can’t believe he’s striving

My little boy with white whiskers

Blind since a young age

When he wandered in our yard following a bigger dog

Left at our door as delivered by an angel

Every day remains a blessing

Death retreated in the distance

But not so fast . . .

Bleek suddenly stops eating . . .

He ate something unknown off the grass . . .

Oh no, please Bleek what’s wrong now?

He’s diagnosed with pancreatitis in March 2022

Not eating well, he starts slowing down

Death are you back striking at him again?

But his appetite slowly comes back

But it doesn’t last long

He’s eating out of my mom’s palm

Does he even want to be alive?

Bleek tell us, are you okay?

Staring Death In The Eyes

Saturday afternoon I still remember the day

Laying in my bed at 1pm chilling away

My mom FaceTimes me

Yay I get to see Bleek!

It’s not a happy call, truly bleak indeed

I see him standing on the grass barely holding himself upright

She’s afraid he won’t last much longer

Does we put him to sleep?

I realize death is here to keep

Sunday arrives and it’s Easter

Back on FaceTime and Bleek looks like he’s in a coma

I’m shocked staring at the screen

3 days before going back home . . .

Is he really going to die before then?

As my mother cries and holds him like a baby

His eyes glow and open up

He takes his final walk around the house

He’s not giving up . . .

But then lays down with a sideways collapse

Back on the couch to relax . . .

That night death settles in the air

His breathing becomes heavy

With sadness in the air . . .

My mother wakes up at 530am

Bleek still on the couch downstairs

In a pool of diarrhea and vomit . . .

Immediately she places him in the car

20 minutes into the drive . . .

He takes his last gasp of air

And gives up the ghost . . .

Three Days Later

As I drive on the PA turnpike back towards New York

Staring at the hills and mountains

75 mph I cry

Thinking that Bleek died 72 hours prior

Couldn’t he live a little longer

I just wanted to hold him a little stronger . . .

Let him die in my arms during my vacation

Why did life have to take him away

3 days before my vacation . . .

Maybe Bleek chose this fate

Dogs do understand what we say

Did he know I was coming home for a few days to stay?

Did he choose to give up the ghost

So I don’t see him in such a state of disbelief?

I arrive home and unpack in my bedroom

Immediately I cry in disbelief . . .

Bleek is not here to watch me unpack as he used to do . . .

But I feel his presence as if he left a goodbye

Perhaps before he died he left me a spiritual message

“I’ll always be by your side”. . .

A Painful Loss the Day After Easter

As I drove back home 4 days later, while on the PA turnpike heading back to New York, for a split second it sounded like I heard his cry. It was a similar cry as the one he would do when waiting downstairs for me to come down from the second floor. And today, 4/29/22, as I was chilling on my laptop, I thought I heard his cry again in the background . . . I thought to myself, “It can’t be. It must be a dog outside whining or something. But I thought to myself… would I really hear a similar dog’s cry from a fourth floor apartment?”

I have been praying to God to send messages to Bleek on my behalf because I truly believe that he is in heaven. I have also come across articles that state that animals’ souls have lower vibrational energy than human souls and that it’s harder for them to send us spiritual messages from the afterlife; angels and other spiritual guides often help them. Could it be that Bleek has tried contacting me twice in the form of a very distinct cry which I attribute to him? What message is he trying to send me?

I kinda knew since March that Bleek wasn’t going to live into 2023, but I never thought that his death was going to happen so soon; definitely not 3 days before my vacation back home. One of the most painful parts about this experience is him dying 3 days before going back home. I can’t comprehend the timing and why I couldn’t just hold him one last time… It truly was a painful loss.

All I wanted was one last time . . . But if Bleek is making contact with me from the afterlife, then I will keep praying for his wellbeing. I do believe animals have souls and God provides them with an amazing home after their life here on Earth, with us human companions.

What is your experience?

3 Replies to “A Painful Loss”

  1. fayekerryfarmer – Hi i am Faye a soon to be published author. A mum, a wife, a carer. I love to advocate for disability awareness, not only ones that are seen but also hidden ones like autism, also mental health awareness is very important to me.
    fayekerryfarmer says:

    The family I work with lost thier dog recently the kids were devastated but they said Thier good byes. Pets are great companions but also like a great comfort always Thier. I have found going to work at Thier house the difference is quite remarkable because you expect her to come running in for a belly rub or food .♥️

    1. Dr. Alexander – New York City Area – Dr. Alexander, a psychiatry resident in the New York City area is the founder of The DSM Ready Movement: an international community which focuses on bringing people together to achieve a happier and healthier state of mind. DSM Ready has three goals: 1) End mental health stigma and normalize mental health 2) Provide a safe and nonjudgmental place to share thoughts, feelings and advice about mental health 3) Maximize happiness and well-being 😎 Dr. Alexander can be reached on: dsmready.com linkedin.com/in/psychheals/
      Dr. Alexander says:

      Yes they almost redefine our lives and when they’re gone, you realize that they’re no longer there for all the habits and things that you used to do

      1. fayekerryfarmer – Hi i am Faye a soon to be published author. A mum, a wife, a carer. I love to advocate for disability awareness, not only ones that are seen but also hidden ones like autism, also mental health awareness is very important to me.
        fayekerryfarmer says:

        Definatley

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