The Psychology of Hating

The Hating Game

Everyone has experienced it. It’s that uncomfortable feeling within you when someone else is jealous, envious and insecure and attempts to put you down, whether using humor or not. Humor is often a disguise; it’s the lubricant for the hating game that helps ease the intensity of the experience. Those who don’t catch onto the haters have no idea what’s going on; they may think that the person is just playing around and end up giving them more power by being naive. The psychology of hating is based on three factors: jealously, envy and insecurity.

Jealously: People are jealous for a laundry list of reasons but one main reason is because of how you carry yourself. If you have your (shit) together (pardon my French, did not know what other word would best substitute it), such as being successful, dressing nicely, carrying yourself with confidence, having a lot of money, etc, some people will naturally be inclined to hate. Sometimes they don’t even know that they’re doing it; I call it “unconsciously hating.” Jealousy often consists of one or more emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness or disgust.

Envy: Is envy the same as jealously? I like to think that they are little different. While jealously is what I described above, I believe envy is more associated with emotional pain. When people envy you, they cannot stand that you have a quality, possession or other desirable attribute that they don’t have. While quite similar to jealously, in that people who envy others may experience anger, resentment and disgust, I believe that those who envy also experience a deep pain that is not necessarily shared by those who are jealous. Many are jealous but do not necessarily hate; they lie at the borderline of hating. But those who envy are certainly hating.

Insecurity: Lastly, I believe that this is the most powerful factor out of the three because it stems from deep inside the hater’s psyche. The entire reason that people hate is not because of jealously or envy. They hate because they are insecure to begin with; they are not confident or assured and are uncertain and anxious. When they identify attributes in you that they lack, their insecurity burns with fire, as if someone just ignited a forest fire. Naturally, insecurity branches off into jealously and envy. If they work on their insecurity and become confident despite lacking traits and qualities that others have, the room for jealously and envy grows smaller and they become more confident in accepting their own traits and qualities.

Let’s be real: we have all hated on others and experienced jealously, envy and insecurity. But many of us recover from this destructive state of mind by working on our insecurities. When you start focusing on bettering yourself and appreciating the success of others, rather than hating, you will find way more peace in your psyche, heart and existence. You will even grow to appreciate how much others have that you don’t; you will become motivated to learn from them so that you can attain their level of success. This is how it works!

This is the psychology of hating. What’s your experience with it?

Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)