Stranger In Your Head
Some people remember when their mental illness started while others are completely oblivious to when they first began experiencing symptoms. Some don’t even know that they have a mental illness; these are the cases with zero insight. Suffering from a mental illness is not easy and many are ashamed to even recognize their newfound reality. Many are afraid of their mental illness because they do not know how to deal with it.
Fear is a natural emotion that should be extinguished as soon as possible. The longer you allow fear to marinate within your mind, the more complicated things will get in terms of your mental illness. By being afraid of your mental illness, you are preventing yourself from taking the necessary steps required to defeat the disorder at play. That’s because fear paralyzes you, preventing you from thinking clearly and getting a grip on your mental state of mind.
It can be difficult to accept your mental illness because it can truly feel like a stranger has entered your head. Your reality may start to take a different shape because you previously never experienced any symptoms. For instance, I remember the day that I experienced my first panic attack: I was in college the day after partying and standing in line at a Chinese restaurant ready to order food.
I suddenly felt a great feeling of unease while standing in line, as if fear had engulfed my entire presence. I wasn’t sure what I was experiencing because I never thought for one second that it was something mental; a panic attack didn’t even cross my mind. But in fact, that’s exactly what I was experiencing: a full-blown panic attack at the age of 19. But rather than running out, I uncomfortably stood in that line suffering while afraid of my existence. That was the longest Chinese order I ever placed.
I eventually learned that I was in fact suffering from panic disorder: I would worry about future panic attacks after experiencing a handful in public. I was afraid of my mental illness because it seemed to rock my world (in a bad way) whenever it felt like it! I felt like I was just a bystander, observing a stranger in my mind controlling my reality. I had to go on a psychiatric medication and eventually felt much better on it. Today, I no longer take any medications and I feel great because I’ve learned to take back control of my mind.
The point is that you may be afraid of your mental illness, but you have to eventually conquer your fear and take back control of your life. You cannot allow a mental illness to push you aside like a bully controlling your mind; these bullies have to be pushed aside with therapy, medication or willpower. But sometimes willpower is not enough; therefore, you need to seek psychiatric treatment and there is no shame in that!
Are you afraid of your mental illness?
Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)