Your Mind’s Tricks Gone Psychotic
Your mind is not something that you want to turn against you; do not allow it to turn foe. From time to time, your mind will play tricks on you; it’s just what it does, don’t get mad at it. But when you don’t treat you mind right, it turns up the notch a little, increasing the frequency and intensity of its tricks and games. If you lose control of these tricks, starin’ through your rear view is something that you may very well end up doing.
These tricks can manifest in many ways, depending on your personality, way of thinking and viewing the world. When dots are connected when they shouldn’t be, you end up experiencing what is called a “delusion.” Delusions of people coming after you are not uncommon; you’re not the only one starin’ through the rear view.
When you start to believe that a van, truck or random vehicle is following you, then you know that your mind has officially trapped you. But has it? How can you tell the difference between someone actually following you or your mind just playing tricks on you? People who are delusional are convinced that someone is following them, despite the evidence proving otherwise.
No one can prove them otherwise; most of the time, not even a psychiatrist or family member. Even when no one comes out of the vehicle, a delusional person will still believe that the vehicle following them is someone in the government or someone from their past who wants to do them harm.
Actually being chased by your past is one thing, but being falsely chased by your past due to your delusions is a completely different ball game. The former is based on reality, while the latter is your mind’s tricks gone psychotic. What started as innocent play by your mind has turned into a mental mouse trap.
When stuck in this mental mouse trap, it becomes extremely difficult to escape it. How will a delusional person be convinced that the vehicles following him are just random cars not actually following him? In his mind, it’s not the actual vehicle that is part of the delusion, because the same vehicle never actually follows him in reality.
In his mind, it’s the “entity” associated with a certain vehicle that is following him. His mind has convinced him that at this certain time, on this certain day, the “entity” is following him. Today it can be a black Chevy Suburban; tomorrow it can be a red Chevy Cobalt. The vehicle is irrelevant; the “entity” is the manifestation of his mind’s tricks gone psychotic.
How long can a delusional person go on living like this? Could you? If he doesn’t seek help or somehow find a way to eliminate his mind’s tricks, then you better believe it that time becomes extremely limited. And when time becomes limited, well . . . what follows afterwards?
Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)
3 Replies to “Starin’ Through My Rear View”
I know right away this is going to be a very long answer, so bear with me as there are so many facets towards answering these questions that could be associated with handling similar situations.
I believe the answer could be found by exploring the parallels between this and that of my own experiences. The worst battle invariably, are extremely covert ones you have against yourself. How little time is there when the object of the game is self destruction? When the tricks turn on you, it is only a matter of time; it will not be long until a life-death situation presents itself as an opportunity. From there a person feasts on the raw suicidal ideations and become enshrouded by imminent end. This is my resolve, and solace I would have not been without a means to do so as I fetishized a million ways it could be done.
Now, this becomes extremely dangerous when driving through a suicide forest. In search while possibly having a distorted sense of the antagonist. How would you react if the roles were reversed; possibly mulling the idea you aren’t without fault in this mindset? Or even fully desire to become slimy; give others the slip. They will not like knowing where I was planning to go and are going to want to stop me. You think occasionally there might be voices, but which ones are real when you are uncertain of its source? Good one, I thought to myself if they catch on, I may have to play it off to avoid confrontation. When there were so few by the way of sources of pleasure, but this could only be described as a guilty pleasure. I was so enamored by the fact that it could happen any minute and I could always beat ’em to it! It was a competition of timers, and what triggers and what triggered you to set one off. I even was OK with knowing that this was draumatic but I was that nature, I could go about it. I could also going around with a great big smile, but I would have several of my ‘internal TV’s’ tuned to the idea that I could go cross that rainbow bridge at any moment and just how it would play. Some may say that I was out of my mind and for being so committed to the act, but to me it was the right mind. Having the simultaneous feeling of remembering and not remembering doing it, while asking for Help, while resenting the fact that I was also extremely conflicted what was actually going on. Towards being more or less accepting that it all has merit as it all contributes to the same deeply disturbing picture.
To a person who had this cranked to the nth degree has extrapolated the ideas expressed here. It depends entirely on what is in percieved in the rear view mirror and what these ideations are, and whether or not they “Feel like they are competing with the Grim Reaper.” Selfvillanization; if I am not good enough, why should I be good at all? Why also is it me? “If there is a way, there is a Will.” The silver lining to this is that I have developed this keen sense of pointing out this analogy to others. It is also extremely difficult to go against these confirmation bias patterns that fuel their delusions. Thinking this way gives a sort of high, and is extremely addicting. Even the prospect of losing this as a potential source of my high and joy may seem like an act of betrayal because it is seen as taking away one of the few perceived pleasures. That – in itself could be seen as part of the trick, a self-harming one at that, which is part of the problem as it creates a vicious cycle. At this point you lose sense of who is trying to hurt you and who is there to help, even internally.
Seen from the outside, I can play a convincing role. my mind doing the reciprocal as it was the one who was very lucid and engaged despite feeling displaced and completely out of it. It felt surreal to ask for assistance regarding these ‘tricks’ as life was always lived as if it was a superimposed Schrödinger. It is the ultimate trick of uncertainty on which reality I was experiencing to be true. I also felt like I was the feeling of being in a fugue-like state in a foggy traincar looking through the frosted window of sections during my Lethal Interaction. Yet, others say I was having normal interaction, but it seemed helpful enough during the time I lost it at the local festival we’d visited for years. It was first year without someone I was close with for over a decade and had the same, but believed it may have been linked with him moving away from his longstanding support systems. There is also this artful trick of severing ties with everyone in life and literally block everyone out; close to danger here as it does cause one to adopt that ‘Intruders Beware!’ mentality, which is a clear landmark that extreme terrain lies ahead regardless of what is in your rearview. Asking for help is trickiest is that is can feel like a trap; someone who thinks it can be helped may think they are a position where their vulnerabilities are stigmatized. It is up to all of us if we wish to break that cycle.
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Interesting! If you can, try to make your responses shorter for the sake of time. Points are also more easily emphasized when nice and short 🙂
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I really appreciate your feedback. This is something I am working on, that and my typing speed. Take care!
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