Fear Of Intimacy

Trouble Committing To Close Relationships

Not everyone desires a close relationship. Many relationships that have the potential to go the distance fall short of reaching any meaningful significance, because someone backs out and sabotages it. The fear of intimacy is exactly what it sounds like: the trouble to commit to a close relationship because of a certain mental discomfort associated with the idea.

Many people who experience a fear of intimacy have a low self-esteem, or confidence in one’s own worth or abilities. As soon as they sense another person forming some sort of attachment, they back away by either ghosting or respectfully informing them of their lack of desire for more.

Others who experience a fear of intimacy have trust issues. They may have been in one too many unstable or failed relationships where they were cheated on or abused, and thus have trouble trusting any new person who comes their way. They fear more pain and have adopted a defense mechanism that prevents them from forming close relationships.

Some people experience episodes of anger when intimacy arises. The closeness of the relationship somehow influences their unconscious mind in some way: maybe they were abused by their parents growing up. All the anger they have built up from their abuse as a child, when all they wanted was to feel close and loved, they take it out on their current partner. And so they fear intimacy in order to avoid feeling angry.

Some women actively avoid physical contact. They might have had a bad experience with men in the past, so as soon as they sense a man becoming intimate, they back away and disappear. Some women may just not be ready for physical contact or are confused by their sexual orientation.

It’s not surprising to learn that many people have trouble forming or committing to a close relationship. They have either been single their entire lives and are just used to having their own ways, or they simply do not know how to become intimate. Maybe they want to become intimate so badly, that it actually backfires and turns off the other person. And some people are actually diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder or avoidant personality disorder, preventing them from developing intimate relationships.

Believe it or not, some people are unable to share feelings or express their emotions. They either feel uncomfortable doing so, or just don’t know how to bring them out in a natural way. This leaves the other person wondering, “does he even feel anything? He seems so robotic!” And the relationship ends before any chance of intimacy develops.

Lastly, some folks have an insatiable sexual desire: they crave sex and cannot get enough of it. But when their partner wants more than sex, they become turned off, because they do not feel the desire for intimacy, due to their high sex drive. So again, they either ghost the person or the person gives up on their intimate quest and just succumbs to a sexual relationship.

If you have a fear of intimacy, please feel free to share with The DSM Ready Community.

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Are you Ready? (This is Defeating Stigma Mindfully)